We’ve all been there. You’ve been dating someone for awhile and things seem to be going well. But then, suddenly, it’s over. They break up with you out of the blue and you’re left feeling blindsided, hurt, and confused.
Why do people become so desperate and needy after a breakup? It’s a natural reaction to feeling rejected and alone. But there are some things you can do to get through this tough time. Here are a few tips.
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The Psychology of a Breakup
After a breakup, it’s not uncommon to feel a sense of desperation and neediness. This is because you are suddenly faced with the loss of someone who you were emotionally attached to. Your brain is going through a lot of changes and you may feel like you are losing your mind.
The feeling of being rejected
Being dumped by someone you love feels awful. Your mind races with questions: What did I do wrong? How could they do this to me? And you desperately try to think of anything—anything—that will take away the pain.
What makes a breakup so painful is the feeling of being rejected by someone we love and value. After all, if we didn’t care about the person, it wouldn’t hurt so much. Researchers have found that the part of the brain that becomes activated when we experience physical pain is the same part that is activated when we experience emotional pain.
However, there are ways to lessen the sting of rejection and eventually move on. Here are a few psychological tips that may help:
- Try to understand why the breakup happened: Oftentimes, people become so focused on their own pain that they forget to ask themselves why the relationship ended. Was it something you did? Was it something they did? Or was it simply a case of incompatible values or goals? Knowing why it happened can help you accept it and move on.
- Talk about it with a friend: Talking openly about your feelings can be therapeutic. It can also help to hear another person’s perspective on what happened.
- Focus on your own happiness: When you’re going through a tough time, it’s easy to get caught up in negative thinking. But remember, you are in control of your own happiness. So instead of wallowing in self-pity, focus on things that make you happy—hobbies, project, friends, family, etc.
The feeling of being unattractive
When you are in a relationship, your partner makes you feel attractive and desired. After a breakup, you may feel like you are no longer attractive or desirable. This can be a difficult feeling to cope with. You may start to feel like you are not good enough for anyone else.
One way to combat this feeling is to remind yourself that your ex is not the only person in the world who finds you attractive. There are other people out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. You are still an amazing person, even if your ex does not see that.
The feeling of being alone
When you’re in a relationship, you feel like you’re part of a team. You have someone to rely on and support you through thick and thin. But when that relationship ends, it can be a very isolating experience. All of a sudden, you feel like you’re all alone in the world.
This feeling of isolation can be amplified if you don’t have a strong support system of friends and family. If your ex was your only close companionship, then you may feel even more lost after the breakup. This is why it’s so important to maintain relationships outside of your romantic partner. It’s vital to have people in your life who care about you and will be there for you during tough times.
The feeling of being alone can also lead to desperation and neediness. When we’re isolated, we often become desperate for attention and affection. We may start to pursue our ex obsessively, trying to win them back at any cost. Or we may withdraw from the world completely, shutting ourselves off from everyone around us.
Breakups are never easy, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this tough time. Lean on your friends and family for support, and Seek professional help if you’re finding it hard to cope.
The Need for Approval
People often become desperate and needy after a breakup because they feel like they need the approval of their former partner in order to feel good about themselves. This can lead them to do things that they wouldn’t normally do, such as becoming clingy or needy, in order to try to get their former partner to notice them.
The need for validation
Most people become desperate and needy after a break up because they feel like they need validation from their ex. They want to know that they are still loved and needed. This is especially true if the break up was not their idea. Often, people will go to great lengths to try to get their ex back, even if it means begging or doing things that they normally would not do. This is because they feel like they are not worthy of love unless their ex approves of them. They believe that they need their ex’s approval in order to feel good about themselves.
However, this is not the right way to think. You should never put your happiness in someone else’s hands. Only you can control how you feel about yourself. You should Approval should never be a factor in your self-worth. If you are waiting for someone else to give you the okay before you can start feeling good about yourself, then you are never going to be truly happy. You need to learn to love and approve of yourself first, and then let others’ opinions be just that – their opinions. They don’t have the power to control how you feel about yourself, so don’t give them that power.
The need for attention
Some people become extremely needy and desperate after a breakup because they feel like they are losing the attention they received from their partner. They may feel like they are not getting enough love or validation from other people in their lives, so they try to get it from their ex. This can lead to them becoming clingy, texting or calling all the time, and even resorting to stalking or harassment. If you find yourself behaving this way, it is important to take a step back and consider why you are doing it. If you feel like you need more attention in your life, try to find healthier ways to get it, such as spending time with friends and family, pursuing hobbies, or volunteering.
The need for love
People need love. We need to feel wanted, special, and important. We need to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves. These needs are basic human needs that we all share.
When we are in a relationship, our partner typically satisfies these needs for us. They make us feel wanted and special. They make us feel like we are part of their life.
When a relationship ends, these needs are no longer being met. This can lead to feelings of desperation and neediness.
There are a few things you can do to help ease these feelings:
- Talk to your friends and family. Tell them how you’re feeling and why. This will help you to feel supported and understood.
- Focus on taking care of yourself. Make sure you’re eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc. This will help you to feel better in general and make it easier to deal with difficult emotions.
- Talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re having difficulty coping with your feelings. They can provide additional support and guidance.
The Fear of Losing Control
It’s been said that the fear of loss is a greater motivator than the love of gain. And nowhere is this more true than in the aftermath of a break-up. The person who was once the object of your affection is now the one who has control over your emotions.
The fear of being alone
People often become desperate and needy after a breakup because they fear being alone. This fear can be paralyzing and prevent them from moving on. It can also cause them to make poor decisions, such as chasing after their ex or trying to win them back.
The fear of being alone is often rooted in insecurity and low self-esteem. People who feel this way may have a hard time believing that someone else could ever love them. They may also think that they are not good enough to be in a relationship.
If you are afraid of being alone, it is important to work on building your self-esteem. This can be done by spending time with supportive friends and family, pursuing your passions, and taking care of yourself mentally and physically.
The fear of not being good enough
Nobody likes to feel rejected or unimportant, but for some people, the fear of losing control after a breakup can be so overwhelming that it can actually lead to them becoming more desperate and needy. This neediness is often a result of low self-esteem and/or a fear of abandonment, and it can cause some people to do things that they wouldn’t normally do, like beg for their ex back or try to make them jealous.
If you find yourself behaving in this way after a breakup, it’s important to try to step back and take a look at the situation objectively. Are you really worried about not being good enough, or are you just afraid of being alone? If it’s the latter, then you need to focus on building up your own self-confidence and learning to love yourself first before you try to get into another relationship.
The fear of rejection
There are two big fears that can cause people to become desperate and needy after a breakup: the fear of rejection and the fear of being alone.
The fear of rejection is often the more powerful of the two, especially if the relationship ended abruptly or if there was no clear reason given for the breakup. This fear can cause people to do everything they can to try to get their ex back, even if it means begging or pleading. They may also try to sabotage any new relationships their ex starts in an attempt to make them come back.
The fear of being alone can also be a powerful motivator, especially if the person was already feeling insecure or lonely in the relationship. This fear can cause people to latch onto their ex even tighter, trying to do anything they can to make them stay. They may also start dating other people right away in an attempt to fill the void left by their ex.
Both of these fears are natural and normal, but they can lead to some very unhealthy behaviors. If you find yourself behaving in desperate or needy ways after a breakup, it’s important to take a step back and try to understand what’s driving those feelings. Once you can see what’s causing them, you can start to work on overcoming those fears and moving on with your life.
The Desperate Need for Closure
After a breakup, it’s common to feel heartbroken and lost. You may feel like you’ll never find someone else and that you were meant to be together. This can lead to feeling desperate and needy. You may start to obsess over your ex and what they’re doing. You may even become clingy and try to get them to talk to you. This is all part of the process of trying to get closure.
The need to know why the breakup happened
People need closure after a breakup for many different reasons. Some people need to know why the breakup happened so that they can understand what they did wrong and avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships. Others need closure so that they can move on and start to heal. And some people need closure so that they can get revenge on the person who hurt them.
Whatever the reason, needing closure is a perfectly normal response to a breakup. It’s natural to want answers to our questions and to feel like we have some control over the situation. But unfortunately, getting closure from your ex is not always possible or even desirable. In some cases, it’s better to just let go and move on.
The need to have the last word
People who need closure after a breakup are often desperate to have the last word. They want to be able to say what they need to say, even if it’s just to themselves. They need to be able to look back on the situation and know that they did everything they could. This need can sometimes lead to people becoming needy and clingy, which can be very off-putting to their ex. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to take a step back and give yourself some time to heal. Closure is important, but it doesn’t have to happen right away.
The need to make the ex feel guilty
Many people become desperate and needy after a breakup in an attempt to make their ex feel guilty. They may call or text their ex constantly, show up at their ex’s house or workplace, or send them gifts. This behavior usually backfires, as it simply drives the ex further away. If you are feeling desperate and needy after a breakup, it is important to take some time for yourself to recover and heal. Take some time to focus on your own happiness, and don’t put your life on hold while you wait for your ex to come back.