It’s been a year since my break-up, and I still can’t get over my ex. Why do I still think about them?
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Theories on Why We Can’t Forget an Ex
Out of all the people in the world, why can’t we forget an ex? We’ve all been there, obsessing over someone who we know isn’t good for us. Let’s explore some theories on why this might be. From a chemical perspective to an evolutionary one, there are many reasons why we can’t seem to forget an ex.
The Attachment Theory
The attachment theory posits that we are attracted to people who remind us of our caregivers (usually our parents) and that we form attachments with partners who provide us with a sense of safety and security. This theory has its roots in the work of psychologist John Bowlby, who proposed that babies form attachments with their mothers because they provide them with a sense of safety and security.
Interestingly, the attachment theory can also help to explain why we can’t forget an ex. According to this theory, we tend to develop attachments to people who remind us of our caregivers. So, if your ex reminds you of your mother or father, it’s no wonder you can’t forget about them!
There are other theories that help to explain why we can’t forget an ex, but the attachment theory is definitely one of the most compelling. If you’re struggling to forget about an ex, it might be helpful to explore this theory in more depth.
The Propinquity Theory
The first theory is called the propinquity theory and was formulated by sociologist Robert Zelnick. Zelnick’s premise was that we are more likely to form relationships with those who are geographically close to us.
So, if you’ve just moved to a new city and you’re feeling a bit lonely, the chances are that you’ll start to develop feelings for someone who lives close by. This is because you’re more likely to bump into them and have opportunities to interact with them on a regular basis.
Of course, the propinquity theory doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. It can also explain why we tend to be friends with our colleagues or those who live in our neighborhood.
The Investment Model Theory
Many people find it hard to forget about an ex, even if they were the ones who broke up with them. Among the different theories that attempt to explain why this is, the investment model theory is one of the most popular.
The investment model theory posits that the more someone invests in a relationship, the harder it is for them to let go of it. This is because they feel like they have more to lose.
The theory goes on to say that there are three main types of investment: emotional, physical, and financial. Emotional investment is things like time and effort put into the relationship; physical investment is things like sex, and financial investment is things like expensive gifts.
The more types of investment someone has in a relationship, the more likely they are to want to try to hold onto it even if it’s not working out. This theory can help explain why people often find it so hard to forget about an ex, even if they were the ones who ended things.
Why Can’t I Forget My Ex?
It’s been months, maybe even years, since you’ve seen or talked to your ex. You’ve moved on, or so you tell yourself. You’re happy in your new relationship, but you can’t seem to stop thinking about your old one. Why is that?
We were in a long-term relationship
When we are in a long-term relationship with someone, it’s not uncommon to still think about them even after the relationship has ended. This is because, during the course of the relationship, we create a strong emotional bond with that person. Even if the relationship wasn’t healthy or we were unhappy, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the bond is easily broken.
There are a few things that can contribute to why we can’t forget our ex. One reason is because of the positive aspects of the relationship. We might remember all of the good times we had together and how happy we were. This can make it hard to let go and move on.
Another reason is because of the investment we made in the relationship. We might have spent a lot of time and energy on it, and it can be difficult to let all of that go to waste. Lastly, breakups are rarely clean and simple. There are usually a lot of mixed emotions involved, which can make it hard to completely move on from someone.
If you’re struggling to forget your ex, there are a few things you can do to try and speed up the process. One thing you can do is try to focus on the negative aspects of the relationship. This can help you remember why you’re better off without them. Additionally, try to busy yourself with other things so you don’t have as much time to think about them. Finally, talk to someone about how you’re feeling so you can get some external perspective on the situation.
We have shared memories
It is natural to want to hold on to the happy moments and good times that we shared with our ex. After all, we spent a lot of time with that person and shared a lot of intimate moments. Those memories can be hard to forget.
One of the reasons it can be difficult to forget our ex is because we have what psychologists call “shared memories.” Shared memories are basically any memories that we have of positive experiences that we shared with another person. They are called “shared” because they are linked to somebody else. And, when we think about them, they remind us of the other person.
Shared memories can be a very powerful force in our lives. They can keep us thinking about somebody even after we have ended a relationship with them. Shared memories can make it hard to move on from a break-up because they keep the person alive in our minds.
If you want to forget your ex, one of the best things you can do is try to create some new shared memories with somebody else. This will help you to create a new link between positive emotions and experiences with somebody else rather than your ex. Eventually, over time, these new shared memories will replace the old ones and your ex will start to fade from your memory.
We were emotionally invested in the relationship
It’s common to think about your ex after a breakup. Even if you hated the relationship, there were probably some good times. And, it’s natural to want what we can’t have — which is why we often want an ex back even if they treated us poorly.
There are a few other reasons why thinking about an ex is so common. First, we were emotionally invested in the relationship. We invested our time, energy, and emotions into the relationship, so it’s only natural that we would think about it afterward.
Second, break-ups can be sudden and unexpected. One day you’re in a relationship and the next day you’re not. This can be confusing and difficult to process.
Lastly, our brain is wired to pay more attention to negative information than positive information. So, even if the break-up was mostly bad, we tend to focus on the good parts because that’s what our brain is drawn to.
If you’re thinking about your ex a lot, there are a few things you can do to help yourself move on:
-Talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you process your emotions and thoughts about the break-up.
-Focus on taking care of yourself by eating healthy foods, getting regular exercise, and spending time with friends and family.
-Make a list of all the reasons why breaking up was for the best. Write these down and look at them when you start thinking about your ex too much.
-Keep yourself busy by taking up new hobbies or volunteering for causes you care about. Filling your time with meaningful activities will help take your mind off your ex
How to Forget an Ex
Whether it was you or your ex who broke things off, it’s normal to think about them and even wonder if things could have been different. If you find yourself stuck in the past and struggling to let go, there are a few things you can do to start moving on.
Time heals all wounds
After a breakup, it’s totally normal to think about your ex. In fact, research has shown that thinking about an ex is completely healthy and can actually help you move on.
That being said, there are certain things you can do to forget an ex and move on with your life. Here are five tips:
- Get rid of anything that reminds you of them.
This includes photos, gifts, clothes, and anything else that they gave you. It might be difficult at first, but getting rid of these items will help you move on. - Do something that makes you happy. Find an activity that brings you joy and stick with it. This could be anything from working out to painting to volunteering. Doing things that make you happy will help take your mind off your ex and make it easier to move on.
- Spending time with people who make you feel good hanging out with friends and family who make you laugh and feel loved will remind you that there are people in your life who care about you – even if your ex doesn’t anymore.
- Talk to someone about what you’re going through. whether it’s a therapist, counselor, or friend, talking to someone about your break-up can be incredibly helpful. They can offer unbiased perspectives and advice on how to best deal with the situation. Plus, just knowing that someone is there for you can be a huge relief.
- Give yourself time. It takes time to get over a breakup, no matter how amicable it may have been. Don’t expect yourself to be over it immediately – give yourself time to grieve, heal, and move forward at your own pace.
Don’t stalk them on social media
One of the worst things you can do after a break-up is to keep tabs on your ex’s social media. If you find yourself constantly checking their feed to see what they’re up to or who they’re with, it’s time to take a step back. This will only make it harder for you to move on and it might even lead to a whole new level of heartbreak if you see them with someone else.
Create new memories with new people
The goal is to create new memories with new people in order to forget the old memories with your ex. You want to associate positive experiences and emotions with people other than your ex in order to forget the negative experiences and emotions associated with them.
One way to do this is to spend time with friends and family members who make you feel good. Plan fun outings, trips, and activities that you can do with these people. Another way to create new memories is to try new things. Go on adventures, learn new skills, and explore different parts of your city or town. You could also volunteer for a cause that you’re passionate about or join a club or team. Doing things that are outside of your comfort zone will help you meet new people and create lasting memories.